What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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