i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
