i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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