even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
where are my eyebrows?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
