so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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