stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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