you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
