He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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