i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Farmville is her only friend.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
