I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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