Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
