I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
