Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
