going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
