I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
