$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
