Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
