You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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