Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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