also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
