i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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