forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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