just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
