He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
