what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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