Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
