I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
