All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
