he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
