wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
