The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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