im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
