I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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