i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
