my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
