ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
