We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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