So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
