You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
