if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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