The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
