I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
