this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
only you would photoshop your dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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