Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
