I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
