i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
