Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
