Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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