Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
