all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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