the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
