also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
