You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
