The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
