The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
