Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
