do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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