But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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