there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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