i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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